Me and My Shadow

Did any of you ever turn on the the show "Bear in the Blue House"? I did, my daughter loved that show as a one to two year old. There was always a part where Bear would sing, "Oh where, oh where is Shadow? Oh where, oh where is Shadow?" and then a shadow of a girl would appear and say, "Here I am Bear!". Then the two would talk about a story or rhyme. The nice thing about that scenario, Bear could call to Shadow and she would appear when requested. Not so with a two year old. Man! I can't get anything done by myself. Nothing!

Need to go to the car because you forgot something? Not by yourself you won't. Need to use the restroom for the first time in 3 hours? Not without an audience you won't. Want to cook dinner, not without help. Shower? Have a chair or stool ready, because he will be there with you. Usually it's not that big of a deal. It's just those times when you're walking and decide to stop or turn, and bam, there's your shadow-you just smacked him across the head with your hand!

There hasn't been a day that I haven't smacked my "shadow" in the head. I try to wait to do things when he's taking his nap, but lately, he's trying to phase those out. Usually, when he does take a nap, I will power-clean. I will do whatever I can, as fast as I can. It may not be the best job, but it will have to do. It seems that whenever I start a cleaning task, Langdon's radar (even in his sleep) will go off and pow, there he is, standing next to me saying "Oh hi, mommy" as if I surprised him.

Normally, a shadow disappears when you turn the light off, right? Not in this house. My Shadow still appears at all hours of the day AND night. Every night I put the baby down after his last feeding around 8:30-ish. Then, I will try to sit with Langdon in his room until he falls asleep, this can take up to an hour sometimes. Once he's asleep, I stealthily tiptoe out the door. Within an hour, Les and I will be seated on the sofa to catch up on our shows. By 11:00-11:30, you can expect Langdon to mosey on down the stairs to see what we are doing and to be close by. It is amazing that he hasn't fallen down the stairs as a result of his sleepy stumbling. Sometimes, we'll put him back right away, sometimes we'll let him chill until we head back upstairs. We always put him back in HIS bed. Then, Les and I go to bed, in our own bed, just the two of us.

Sometimes, Leland will wake up in the early morning hours for a feeding, and I'll get up to take care of him. However, it never seems to fail, my back is killing me. Lo and behold, I discover the reason why, Langdon is in our bed, practically sleeping on me. Or, if he's not sleeping ON me, he's sleeping horizontally with his head in my back and his toes in Les' ribcage. Not comfortable for us at all, but he's comfy. I'll take him back to bed on my way to Leland's room. After taking care of Leland and getting back to bed, I too can get some sleep, now that it's less inhabited. By the time I get up for the day, once again, there is Langdon in our bed, happy as a clam in the sand. Even if Les is already out of bed, Langdon will be up against me, trying to make as much bodily contact as possible. Even though I'm hanging off the edge of the bed, he will still be pushing up against me. (Just so you know, we have a King-size bed, that Les and I each get an edge of.)

Now I know that I should be thankful that he wants to be near me, because when he hits his teen years, it will be over. I just need some breathing space, you know, with no contact. Sometimes, your body goes into contact overload, and you just want to hurt the next person that touches you. It would be nice, if at the end of the day, I could go to bed and know that I would wake up with no child pressed up against me. My body and my mind would be recharged for all the contact my children would like to give me.

Shadows are usually present when there is light. My shadow is present even in the dead of the night. Where is your shadow? Behind you? Next to you? Sitting on your lap? Or is it lurking around the corner, waiting to engulf you when you least expect it.